Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
