I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
