I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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