All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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