we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
