Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
