guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
