Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
