census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize