I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
