oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
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