guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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