just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
