What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
