He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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