Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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