Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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