Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
