I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
