Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
