If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
