Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
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