watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
