don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
