meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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