Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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