I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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