He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If I die, sorry about rent.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
