you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
