I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
