Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Randomize
