First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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