Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
