Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry mattertatter hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(952): View more from Minnesota

I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.

Fav 3 1457 728
share tweet
(202): View more from Washington, DC

also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.

Fav 16 832 2415
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(780): View more from Alberta, CA

just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...

Fav 19 4938 1012
share tweet
(985): View more from Louisiana

I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.

Fav 15 4925 945
share tweet
(413): View more from Massachusetts

I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...

Fav 32 7363 1651
share tweet
(443): View more from Maryland

i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?

Fav 35 7236 1698
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(702): View more from Nevada

Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.

(1-702): View more from Nevada

Yeah, but four times?

Fav 30 7824 2372
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(203): View more from Connecticut

Can't feel body but making pizza rolls

Fav 0 472 321
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(201): View more from New Jersey

i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again

(845): View more from New York

I give it a week.

Fav 1 95 8
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT