Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
