He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
