Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
