Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
