I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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