I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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