Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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