do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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