med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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