I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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