Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
