he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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