Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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