If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
