Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much

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(631): View more from New York

If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.

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(317): View more from Indiana

One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom

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(479): View more from Arkansas

yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face

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(513): View more from Ohio

So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.

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(905): View more from Ontario

He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night

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(320): View more from Minnesota

I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...

(1-320): View more from Minnesota

It's been a bad semester.

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(503): View more from Oregon

it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.

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(630): View more from Illinois

21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.

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