Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
