Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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