Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
