Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
