Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
