Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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