did you get engaged???
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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