remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize