you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
