you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
