Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
