I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
