i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
