fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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