What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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