I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
