I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
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Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
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I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?