I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship