Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts