No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?