My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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