Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
well I can't set my house on fire every night
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I had to cum in my sink.
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