OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
