jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize