You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
