Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
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