I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
