Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I'm really busy with my period
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