my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
