apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
