Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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