i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
