We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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