What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
