remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize