So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
