I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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