How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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