I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
