if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
