I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
